Thursday, 12 August 2010

Postcards From The Veg: Desert Island

I was enjoying a lovely day out at Woburn Safari Park yesterday. There are elephants, giraffes, zebras, lions, tigers, monkeys, and swans. Well, giant swan boats, in fact, and while I was dabbling around in the water a small green glass bottle clinked against the side of my own sturdy little swan boat. I picked it up and examined it. I guessed it had once contained Becks beer, by the remnants of the label, but now it was home to a rolled piece of paper. A message in a bottle! How utterly exciting! And quite strange, given that it was in a boating pond in land-locked Bedfordshire.

Guess what was inside. I bet you can't guess. Go on, have a try. A wild stab in the dark. No, just have a go. Oh go on, go on, go on... yes, okay, it was the latest postcard from Neil on his travels around and above the planet. Sheer luck brought his latest ramblings to me. Funny how the world turns, innit?

Dear Vegemites,


I don't know where I am. Well, I'm on a desert island, dear readers, but as to which one I have no clue. Re-entry into the atmosphere didn't go as smoothly as one might have hoped for, and I was lucky that my capsule crash-landed near to this place. Roary the litte polar bear and I managed to swim to shore, and have found a cave and some fruit and a football that we've nicknamed Wilson for the hell of it, but no humanity. Not a single person. Not even a signal on my I-Phone.

Actually, it's quite pleasant.

At first I was confused from clinging to a floating barrel for two days with only a hungry and annoyed polar bear for company, but things are really looking up now. With nobody around to cock this place up, I can honestly say it's a small patch of paradise. Did you know banana trees grow fruit all year long? Amazing. Roary adores the yellow flesh, and I'd imagine he's the first polar bear to discover the joy of slipping around on the discarded skins. He enjoys himself immensely, sliding first one way, then the other. Marvellous.

But now I really would like to get back to espressos and Doctor Who (has a new series started yet?) and sugar free gum stuck to the pavement and all the other great things about England, so please come and find me. Please. Before Roary gets any bigger and decides that his diet needs meat in it.

So, hoping this is au revoir and not farewell forever,


Eek! What shall we do? I'm hopeless at Geography.

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